Bullying (Part 2)

So I posted three weeks ago about the documentary, Bully by Lee Hirsch, and yesterday I was invited to attend its premier screening here in the Philippines as a blogger representative.

Before I go on about the movie, I'd like to throw it out there that whatever my opinion may be about the PORTRAYAL of the issue in this documentary, my opinion on BULLYING itself still stands - basically, in a nutshell, it sucks to be bullied, and people should know that.

And so I continue on with my analysis of the documentary itself.

As I do with all documentaries I endeavor to watch (mostly by the constant urging of my brother, who so happened to be willing to accompany me to this premier), I always take the skeptic's POV. So I'll be honest - I went into the movie thinking that, like I said in my last post, it was going to be a throng of emotional backstories. I was right. But that wasn't a bad thing.

While this movie-documentary took the stereotypical route of following a child around (albeit making it seem like they were documenting the WHOLE SCHOOL and not just the kid for posterity), looking into how bullied he was and intersplicing stories of bullycides and success stories of hope, beyond those I think the film was able to show a few important things that on your first watch, you might miss.

So all in all, there were things that the film did well, and there were things that the film lacked.

The film did well to show THREE things for me:

1) That adults, no matter how much they try, will never be able understand what it is children need - both on the part of the bully and of the bullied.

One part of the documentary that struck me was when a rather ignorant teacher came up to two boys (one a bully and on the bullied) and told them to shake hands and make up.Wanting to avoid the confrontation the bully extended his hand out willingly, and he was given a free pass for having "said sorry". But when the boy who was bullied refused to lend his hand out for a symbol of "peace". He was met with animosity by the teacher.

(non-verbatim)
"Why would I shake hands with him!? He called me a P-U-S-S-Y and shoved me into a locker. He hurt me"
"What he said and did was not nice, but he said sorry. You not wanting to shake hands probably hurt him too!" (Me: wtf!?!?!?)
"No it didn't. And how do you know he meant it?"
"He meant it! And you not wanting to shake hands with him makes you just like him. You're being just like him. And that's not nice!"
"Yeah, except I don't HURT PEOPLE, push them around and call them mean names."

It's things like these that really irk me, when teachers SIDE with the bully. The teacher's animosity in this scene was just so misguided and misplaced that you just wanted to get up and slap her through the scene. Believe it or not, A LOT OF TEACHERS THINK THIS IS A PROPER WAY TO RESOLVE THESE TYPES OF PROBLEMS and it SICKENS ME. 

Did the bully get a lecture? No? Who ended up getting the lashing? The already very much disenfranchised. And in this case, do you guys know who the biggest bully was? The teacher herself.

which leads me to the next point this movie managed to bring up, albeit rather indirectly.

2) People think that if a bullied child confides in an adult, the problem will be solved immediately. It won't. Especially if the child doesn't talk about it in the first place.

There is sense in thinking that awareness will stop a problem, but what happens if the child withholds the information in the first place? Most would think "why the hell would somebody bullied not tell someone about it?"

(Non-Verbatim)
"This could have all been avoided if he just told us what happened everyday."
"Think about how much worse it would have been to be pushed around at school and having to come home and tell YOU"

One issue here is dignity.

When you're someone who's been bullied, you have to understand that most kids that have gone through that much anguish have SO LITTLE DIGNITY left that they'll hang on to what little dignity they can grab in their hands - at the very least in the eyes of their parents. No parent wants to find out that their children get bullied in school and believe it or not, children can sense that, so having to tell their parents about it is far from most kids' to-do-list where bullying is concerned.

Another reason why children are so reluctant to say something is lack of trust. Such lack of trust is so easy to cultivate in an innocent child. Say or promise something and it doesn't happen and you lose half their trust then and there. And that's what happens to most bullied children after being passed over by school authorities.

IF YOU DON'T ACT ON BULLYING ON THE FIRST CHANCE WHEN THINGS ARE MINOR, THE CHILD WILL NOT TRUST YOU TO DO ANYTHING WHEN THINGS START TO ESCALATE. So why even bother?

(Non Verbatim)
"So what should you do more of that you haven't been doing?"
"Telling you about it."
"That's right. Why didn't you tell us about this if it was so bad?"
"I did. In sixth grade when he sat on my head in the bus."
"How did you know we didn't do anything? Are you sure we didn't? Did he still sit on your head after you told us?"
"No."
"That's because we did something."
"But he did other things instead."

 This is something that teachers need to recognize. Tolerance does not solve the problem, it only aggravates it.

3) The film promotes empowerment.

I think one of the best solutions to bullying is to make children feel empowered. This idea, I attribute to my brother who so cleverly brought up the point. Unless a child feels that whatever he does will effect change, he will not do anything. 

That goes for people being bullied and people who are bystanders as well.

"Why should I say anything? it won't matter in the end anyway." - The bullied/The Bystander

When children are bullied,  they need to know that TELLING SOMEONE ABOUT IT will make the problem stop. And they will know that if IT HAPPENS.

And we as people and witnesses need to take matters into our own hands to make sure that it DOES happen.

That is where we, as bystanders, educators and parents come in. WE NEED TO FOLLOW THROUGH THE FIRST CHANCE WE GET AND MAKE A STAND.

**But cautionary tales everywhere point that too much empowerment is bad as well. Because when too much empowerment persists, there will come a time that the bully will become the bullied and the line between justice and payback will be blurred.

That being said. The film still had its shortcomings:

1) It failed to portray the side of the bullies - because more often than not, bullies are more troubled in the sense that they do not even know what horrible kinds of wrong they are inflicting.

It startled me to find out that a day after a boy committed suicide due to bullying, the bullies in his school wore NOOSES ON THEIR NECKS in mockery of the child as if making a joke about it would make them feel better after being an integral part of taking this poor child's life.

2) It failed to show why bullying even persists.

Some bullies are a product of how they were nurtured and in all honesty do not see the wrong in their actions. After all, was it not the Greeks that said that their being a class of "Rulers" and the "Ruled" was natural?

3) It failed to show that it's not always the "different ones" or the "nerds" that are the bullies. The film's use of stereotypes was actually to its detriment.

Even a straight-A student or the most academically competent child can be a bully (trust me, this is from personal experience).

I wish the film would have tackled these issues in more depth.

That being said, with the spirit of empowerment thus in mind, I'm happy schools in the Philippines are taking the initiative to promote awareness and empowerment.

I wore this shirt the entire day to day to promote the documentary, in the hopes that (in all honesty), people would watch THIS instead of watching Twilight (srsly).

The film isn't about solving Bullying entirely, but it IS about empowerment and awareness, so I'll end with a pledge (from the NOT IN OUR SCHOOL website):


The NOT  IN  OUR  SCHOOL  Pledge

1) I WILL NOT BE A BULLY

Sometimes we bully people without knowing it. So what are the different forms of bullying? In essence, bullying means using words and actions to hurt or shame others, usually involving an abuse of power (physical, psychological, social, etc.), and including non-action (isolation, ignoring, etc.)

2) I WILL HELP THE BULLIED

What are the different ways a bystander can help the victim? Confronting or stopping the bully is only one. Are there other ways? E.g., defending the victim, convincing the bully to stop, privately expressing sympathy for the victim, etc.

3) I WILL SPEAK UP ABOUT BULLYING

To report bullying, to get help for the victim if we can’t defend the victim, to testify if needed, to share stories and reflect on consequences, to make bullying un-cool.

You can download the printable PDF here.

To learn more about the "Not in Our School" campaign against bullying visit their official site here.

To learn more about the movie, visit their local website here and international website here.

Ada,
signing out.