Self Sabotage

People always say I'm a sadist, when in fact I am quite the opposite.

In the end only a few people really know how much of a figurative self-mutilator I am, and the ironic part about it is that those same people are the primary causes of my masochistic self-sabotage.

Day after day I set myself up only to get hurt once again. And when blows to relationships are concerned, although I know I don't have to, I always take the bullet.

It hurts when somebody tells you to stay away for the sake of saving a relationship, which ironically doesn't even involve you. And it hurts even more when the only way to stay away from that person you can think of is to isolate yourself and in a sense, hate that person.

I want people to stay happy so much, that I sacrifice my own happiness, and still I get the short end of the stick. I'm left with more self-loathing than I started off with, and I have nobody to console me about it to boot.

It's sad, because although I know there are other ways of going about it, the only way that seems to satisfy the problem of relationship preservation is severing one or the other.

I hate this.

Best friends don't do that. And although I'm deemed one of great stature, in the end, I'm just a bunch of refuse.

Thanks for throwing me away.