Standards and Inferiority Complex

I thought this post would be pretty good when I thought about it. I mean I HAD to make my comeback into blogging memorable right?
But now that I'm actually here on my computer writing it, I have no idea what to say.

Earlier this morning I had all this pent-up stress and self-doubt. Not to mention the big discouragement that is basically the equivalent of the complete lack of ceteris parabus which constantly plagues my standards and ideals - the firebreathing dragon that is that evil hag who strikes such feelings of inferiority and uncertainty into the hearts of those unprepared

But seriously, WTF. Everybody would scoff at me and say that my hatred for all things related to that dragon were irrational. Well I think they're pretty warranted now.

I don't know about you, but teachers that back up their ideals by negative reinforcement and throwing demoralizing insults and threats just lose my respect completely. I mean, it's happened with almost every teacher I've known. Heck, even I do it sometimes. But what kind of teacher uses it as the base foundation of her teaching? I know that teacher has some favorites and on occasions because of the intensity of her favoritism the negative foundation of her teaching seems to be cancelled out, but how is it that I'm the only one who notices from the get-go, not having to have the situation get to that point when you just want to strangle someone.

Blah, I'm not even making sense anymore. I just reread that paragraph and it's like mental throw-up. Excuse me for that.

Basically, all I want to say is that a teacher that makes her student/s feel THAT worthless about him/themself/ves, regardless of the general morale of a class, will never earn my respect. It may not make sense to anybody (actually, I'm pretty sure it won't), but yeah, I'm venting. Humor me.

Which brings me to another point of analysis.

WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH ME????

Why do I feel bad when others don't? Or feel a hundred times worse when they do? Why do I set my standards so high that it makes it impossible to just be happy and why, after continuously being reassured of my worth and value do I feel like a little worm on the pavement?

Maybe it was how I was raised. When your every movement is subject to critique, some point in time you're bound to crack. Think of my life up to this point as a bunch of comminuted fractures which haven't been treated. By the end of it all I'm just broken equipment.

I don't know. It's like people try to fix me when they assure me that I'm okay, that I'm fine. But they're just using staples and adhesive tape and glue and it really doesn't help?

Sigh, I don't know.

Which leads me back to how I'm in such a fragile state right now. And Iliad just isn't helping.

Sigh, owell. Better just take some happy pills and deal with it.

That was a sucky comeback...