Being asked to define myself by my missions, goals, achievements and philosophies has been a recurring dilemma lately. I could never really find the words to express myself. Everything that would come into my head would be too abstract to put into coherent thought. Because of this, some would view my vague and uncertain answers worrying. I, however, find them reassuring.
Ever since I could remember I could never really consider myself a focused person. I had trouble focusing, not in the sense that I lacked commitment in my endeavors, but in the sense that my interests were always too broad and spread out that I could never really concentrate on just one.
When I was four, my mother enrolled me in extracurricular activities such as computer, ballet and piano lessons. By that age, I had already realized that I was different. I had been the only one my class to enroll in all three willingly.
Certainly, this was a burden on my four-year-old self. In fact, if I started to excel in one facet of my lessons, I would slip on another. Hell would break loose as my mother scolded me. My lessons were the root of fits on more than one occasion. Needless to say, despite all the abrasive episodes, I enjoyed all three lessons, but when asked to name my favorite I would be stumped.
A few years later, I would find that I didn’t want to just know how to operate a computer or dance. I wanted to learn more. When my brother entered Philippine Science High School, I just started my second year of pre-elementary. Already, from piano, my interests deviated to the odd figures in my brother’s old Biology books.
At the age of seven I was immersed in the inner workings of the ecosystem and human body, as well as the Bible. In fact, if asked to correlate the two, I would respond enthusiastically, taking pride in my reasoning prowess. This could be attributed to the nature of my religion. I love being a Jehovah’s Witness, and contrary to popular belief, being a JW does not mean I am a radical or an anti-science activist. I am assured by the logic that my faith allowed me to espouse where other religions would have left me to lean on blind faith.
When I started displaying an affinity for the humanities and sciences, my mom suggested that I too aim to get into the prestigious Philippine Science High School. I all too happily agreed.
In between that fateful day and my entrance into PSHS, my interests had jumped from music and dance to art and literature, the English language to Japanese Culture and from basic Computer Technology to all-out web design and graphics design. I had competed in more than five occasions in figure skating competitions and participated as the first of our school’s delegates to a mathematics competition. I had learned basic Japanese, Chinese and mastered my mother tongue.
Then there was Pisay.
Most people would list passing the PSHS entrance exam as an achievement with only one wide path leading to success. I viewed it as a fork in the road.
Initially I had aimed to get through PSHS with my sanity intact. As my first year passed, I had my sanity, but I lost my sense of direction. Before Pisay, I had been the top of my class at everything, but when you’re in a pool of students as gifted as those in Philippine Science High School, you tend to learn a valuable lesson in humility. I was no longer the best; I was one of the best. I had no where to go from there. When I entered PSHS, my psyche slowly changed. My goals rearranged themselves in front of me like I was editing movie reel. Once again, my interests rattled then fell into place like the letters in a Boggle box. As the years passed, I realized that as good as I was in Math and Science, I was far better suited in a school which paid more mind to the arts.
Rather than sulk about the irony of my decision, I decided to make the most of it. We’ve all heard of Scientists. We’ve all heard of Mathematicians. Artists and Writers are a dime a dozen. In my brain, I wanted to make myself into a hybrid professional. Once again, my broad perspective began to manifest itself. I decided not to excel at one facet of the PSHS curriculum, but to dabble with each and every one.
People say that being multi-talented only merits appreciation and praise after college, when you start work. People who say that haven’t met me. You’d think that because I was such a muddle of interests I would be useless and not very ambitious. You’d be wrong. On more than one occasion, being multi-talented and resourceful has gotten me out of the strangest fixes, whether it’s dealing with a schoolmate who’s a few fries short of a Happy-Meal or whether its being a friend or a leader.
By my third year in Pisay, I had gotten the hang of living as an Iskolar ng Bayan. As low grades rain down from the heavens, you start to realize that it’s not the end result that matters, but the journey and how you get there. At this point, we’re all just trying to get there.
As I built up my resolve toward my new goal, I did not neglect my spirituality and dedication to God. On November 18, 2006 I was baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I could now add Bible Student to my hybrid professional model.
It is at this point that my over-enthusiastic nature backfires.
When people are asked to choose a college, or a course, it’s never easy. Still, they get through it. As much as I’d love to say that having a wide range of interests to choose from would be helpful, it really isn’t. The person I am now isn’t ready to choose just one. After having read the Ateneo Brochure several times, I am now convinced that no matter what course I choose, Ateneo will be able to provide me with an environment conducive to my probing propensity to expand my horizons.
So when people ask me about who I am and how I define myself, my vague answers don’t worry me. They never did. They’re just there so I don’t have to limit myself. They’re just there so I can soar.
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