I have been hiding in seclusion (yay for redundancy) since then, waiting for the blog hype to die out whilst people busy themselves with studying for the UPCAT.
Now I can post freely what I want to post, and not what people expect to see. The only downfall to this, however, is that my blog is still on that stupid bloglist. Where's the privacy now? D:<
On Texting
I think I've developed a text complex over the years, with the root cause stemming from before PSHS. A few of my really close friends know that I have an inferiority complex, as well as a few anxiety disorders (everybody has them, don't think I'm a freak). So I get a little fidgety when it comes to text messaging. I think it's funny when I recall all the past blunders I've come by with texting.
Like the Cafeteria incident in first year :)) How one guy would take the time to make a call to a person while the other guy didn't even want to waste load on a measly text. Waterworks.
Since then, text messaging has been sort of like heroin. There are extreme highs, and then there's the withdrawal stage. The withdrawal stage, to me, is sort of like rejection. Y'know? But apparently, that's just my mind playing tricks on me. Or is it? :o
Actually, I've seen this little quirk of mine manifesting itself IRL lately. Like at home, when I call my brother, I DEMAND a reply. I, personally, find it annoying when you call somebody down for breakfast, and they don't reply so you don't really know if they're coming down or not. This makes setting the table a problem, so I find it annoying. And due to third year's fiasco where all my texts were replied to with simple YEAH's and HAHAHA's, I've grown to expect a reply, no mater how insubstantial it may be
When somebody doesn't reply, what does it MEAN? :O Has she grown tired of your fangirling? Is she busy? Does she find it bothersome to even think of a reply? Does she not want you to text at all?
I should make that my next poll.
I'm writing this down as a vent, as well as to warn you guys of the dangers of text messaging. Make sure you're on the stage where you can talk to a person IRL before engaging yourself in the 'textmate' status.
On the Chaos Theory
Everybody's been busting their butts off studying, making me feel like I'm underpreparing (which I probably am). I have decided to study what I think I need and succumb to my whim. Yes, the Chaos Theory. I love Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool) for that movie. You should go watch it too.
Maybe I should use lists and random index cards too. Maybe then life wouldn't be so complicated.
On the UPCAT and ACET
Why is it that I am swaying toward the ACET? It seems so much more goal-oriented x_X.
I've always expressed my hostility toward people who are so grade-oriented. I've always viewed grades as biased. You can learn more than any other person in a class and still have the lowest grade. It's not fair.
As for the ACET, the forms we have to fill out make me feel horrible and wonderful at the same time. They want to know about you. I've heard time and time again that it's easier to pass the ACET because the ACET isn't there to gauge how stupid you are, but how your interests are spread out. If you get a high score a particular part of the test and a lower one on another, all that means is that you are more inclined to that matter. And that's what the ACET takes into consideration. For some reason that makes me feel better. But at the same time, I have no idea how this is going to help me. For most of my life, I have never excelled in ONE PARTICULAR THING. I've always just been above average at EVERYTHING. And I have NO IDEA how to fill out the forms. I don't have extracurricular activities. I spend time furthering my own interests - web design, art, photoshop. I couldn't care LESS about clubs and associations. I HATE responsibility and LEADERSHIP. What does that make me now?
Whether it's a matter of comfort zones or insecurity, I'm not ready to go take tests or write essays, much less go to college. I just want time to stop. Completely. I want EVERYONE to disappear.
Because right now, I'm confused. Like I said, I used to hate grade-oriented people. People who'd devote so much time to studying that they'd consider relationships with other people meaningless and keep them to the minimum.
Why is it then that although I am swaying toward Ateneo, I want to pass the UPCAT SO MUCH MORE? Ugh. I hate this.
I wish that college didn't have to make getting a job so much easier. That we could be like students in Japan, not even having to go to high school to make a living.
Maybe then, I wouldn't be so confused.
That's it. I'm capturing Dialga to get my mind off things.
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